


Explorers of the Wasteland

by Perth (Ikana_Trash)



Series: TMA Crossovers [7]
Category: Lemon Demon (Musician), Music RPF, The Magnus Archives (Podcast), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: And it’s not Jon ;), Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author Projecting onto Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Body Horror, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Eldritch, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Has ADHD, Kinda, Monsters, Overstimulation, Panic Attacks, Psychological Horror, i put too much effort into this, sorta - Freeform, thats right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28606362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikana_Trash/pseuds/Perth
Summary: While trekking through the barren wasteland of the apocalypse, Jon and Martin notice some figures on the distance
Series: TMA Crossovers [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073156
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Explorers of the Wasteland

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up, There’s kinda two scenes when Jon kinda gets overwhelmed and it’s like a panic attack/Overstimulation. Not really in too much detail, it wasn’t even meant to be written in that way, but as I was writing it, I ended up projecting so... Whoops... It’s not in too much detail, it’s hardly described, actually, but I figured I’d mention it just in case.  
> Anyways, enjoy this absolute mess I wrote while sleep-deprived

Jon and Martin were tired, but also not. They couldn’t really feel tired, they didn’t really feel much with the apocalypse happening, but Jon was certain is they could feel tired, they’d be very tired. That’s why, when Jon spotted some figures in the distance, he assumed he was hallucinating, however as they got closer, Martin pointed them out, too. He wasn’t hallucinating. 

Upon realizing that He wasn’t in fact hallucinating, he and Martin picked up the pace,

“D-Do you know if they’re avatars?” Martin asked nervously. Jon shook his head,

“I’m... unsure if I’m being honest... it’s uh... I can’t tell, I can’t Know...” Martin gulped and the two of them went quiet. They slowly got closer to the now visible group of... Three men... Two of which Jon recognized as Bill Wurtz and Neil Cicierega. He let out a sigh, he held out his hand, causing the man he didn’t recognize turning his head in his direction. 

He recognized Bill quite easily. He had messy, Light brown hair and was just, overall, very tired looking.

Neil was also very easy to pick out. He was tall and lanky with big eyes and even bigger glasses. He just stood out.

But so did the other man.

He was... bizarre. He had contrasting lipstick and eye shadow on along with... a third eye on his forehead. Jon absent-mindedly thought about his own eyes as he looked at the other man. He had black hair swept to mostly one side and he wore a patterned suit with a bowler hat.

He found himself shrinking in that man’s gaze as the other two looked up to see him. Bill simply waved, while Neil cheered for them,

“Hey, you two! You did this, right?!” Neil cried, walking up to the two of them. Jon looked to Martin and slowly nodded,

“What do you know? How are you... Alive?” The one with the third eye rolled his eyes,

“W-We’re not, uh, human. We’re not effected by this w-whole, um, apocalypse thing, y’know?” His nervous speaking contradicted the way he seemed to hold himself highly. Bill gave a lazy nod,

“Yeah, what he said...” He said in his usual quiet voice. Neil shrugged,

“Y-You’re not human?” They all shook their heads, “None of you are humans?” Once again they all shook their heads, “Not even, like, you used to be humans?” 

“Never have been a human, never will be,” Bill commented, Neil chuckled,

“Humans are fun, but no, not one myself,”

“G-Gotta agree with, uh, Neil on t-that one, Humans are, uh, f-fun to mess with,” Jon heard Bill sigh but kept his gaze on the other two,

“So, who are you then?” He turned to the one he didn’t know,

“You’ve heard of me. H-Human name is, uh, Will Wood, my, uhh, actual name is, Um, T-Tapeworm,” Jon gave him a strange look when he held his hand out, “C-Call me Tapeworm. Or Will, b-but Tapeworm is, uh, better I think,” Jon slowly nodded but didn’t take his hand, “C-Cuz Bill’s name is w-well... Bill. And Bill a-and Will is, um, kinda confusing, is it not?” He tried justifying. Jon shrugged, still not taking his hand,

“Well, I think I shall continue calling you Will...” Martin nodded,

“Y-Yeah! I’m the one who took the statement regarding you,” Martin commented. Will’s eyes widened at that,

“R-Really?” Martin nervously nodded as Will got closer,

“Will, leave the poor, poor men alone,” Neil cut off Will before he could even speak. Will rolled his eyes and backed up, “So, You are the one who caused this, right?” Neil asked again, looking at Jon with his big eyes,

“Uh... Yes?” Neil clapped his hands together and smiled eerily. Bill let out a sigh and crouched down to the floor only for him to lose balance and fall on his back. He stayed laying on the ground and pulled a hat that he didn’t previously have over his head, 

“Well, you better fix this! It’s... It’s, uh, It’s frustrating! I can’t do my thing with the world like this!” Jon raised an eyebrow, “I swear I’m not malicious, if anyone out of us is malicious, it’s Will,” Neil glanced over to Will who was now squatting next to Bill laying on the ground, “Anyways, you need to fix this, I really don’t like it, and neither does Bill. Mostly Bill, but he’s not good with strong emotions,” Jon and Martin quickly glanced over to Bill as Neil mentioned him, to see Bill raise his arm and give a lazy Thumbs up at the mention of him being bad with strong emotions. When Neil finished that sentence, his arm went limp and fell back down to his side where Will continued to poke and pride at him silently, “He’s lived through most of world history, and he has a bit of an emotional attachment to it, so... for it to just... happen like this?” Neil paused as he gestured all around them, to the barren landscape, “He’s not too happy, but, well, he’s too lazy to even try and fix it,” Bill tried raising his arm again to give a thumbs up only for Will to stop it half way up and push it back down. Bill put up no fight and allowed his arm to be moved, “I just wanna get back to doing my thing online...” Neil went quiet as his gaze turned to Will, who was now sitting cross-legged next to Bill’s face, drawing on it with lipstick, “Will... really doesn’t care, but he does... somewhat care about us so that makes him, by extension, care about this apocalypse thing,” Neil finished. Jon slowly nodded and looked between Bill and Will on the ground and Neil standing in front of him and Martin,

“And... What exactly are you three, then? You said you aren’t humans and never were, but t-“

“Enough Questions, Archivist,” Jon’s gaze immediately fell to Bill as he quietly spoke his title, 

“Wha-“

“Please... You’re being loud...” Bill almost whispered, His voice so muted and soft, Jon barely heard it, “I know who you are because I know.... a lot of things... Not... Not in the way you do, though,” He Clarified. Jon gave him a strange look then turned to Martin who simply shrugged, equally confused. When Jon looked back to Bill, he was slowly pushing himself up into a sitting position, and the lipstick that Will had drawn onto his face was now gone with no marks that it had even been there, “I just... Know some things... it’s not near what you know and how you know, it’s just... It comes with the position...” Bill let out a weak laugh, “I’m really making it sound like I’m also an Archivist...” He said to himself, “I’m not good with knowing people, but I have extremely good memory,” Bill took a long pause before he spoke again, his voice almost strained, yet still butter smooth, “Near perfect memory, in fact... I have a lot of memories, too... The way, my uh...” Bill went quiet and leaned back on his elbows that were propping him up, “My... the way my ‘ _knowing_ ’ works is related to memories and public knowledge. I draw from already recorded information and memories of people...” Bill went quiet, “I know you’re the... Archivist... ‘cause I have the Magnus Institute records up here,” He tapped his head with his fingers, “Don’t worry, I don’t often pull from memories...” Jon slowly nodded, and noticed Bill let out a long exasperated breath. Will and Neil looked to him concerned,

“B-Bill... That w-was...” Bill nodded his head when Will went silent and then he let himself fall back once again to lay on the floor, “I-I... Y-You rarely, uh, You rarely t-talk t-that much...” Will spoke quietly. Neil watched as Will fussed over Bill, but eventually he turned his attention back up to Jon and Martin,

“I suppose since Bill of all people explained what he does, I should, too...” Neil let out a sigh, “I...I create. I take things that already exist, for the most part, and I create new things. Like recycling. I take the story of Gef the Mongoose and I make a song out of it. I fuse things together to make one thing. I take the word Dinosaur and Orchestra and make Dinosaurchestra. I create minor things,” 

“And so, what?” Jon pressed. Neil just shrugged,

“That’s just kinda what I do... though, guess that’s not a description of my powers, huh?”

“POWERS?!” Martin burst out for the first time in a while, “Do all of you have powers?!” Neil chuckled and nodded,

“Well, Bill already described himself, Will’s got a god damn third eye and I’m well... let’s just say that this is imply a human form, yes?” Jon’s eyes widened and he desperately tried to know what Neil could possibly look like if not the man in front of him, but all he got was a searing headache and a stabbing sensation behind his eyes. He barely registered, he was too racked up in the unexpected fear, but he could just barely make out the faint and muffled laughter of Neil. Then his vision blurred and he heard something crack. Something squished. Something snapped. Something tore. There were so many noises and he couldn’t see, which didn’t help. It was hard to process what was happening from sound alone, so when he was finally able to see again, and his vision unblurred, well, he was happy. For a few seconds, untill he saw a... beast... in front of him where Neil was once standing. It was about the size of a small Car, but it’s looks more than made up for its size.

Jon couldn’t think of a better way to describe it other than surreal, Eldritch, unreal, impossible, grotesque and... strangely beautiful... 

It didn’t at all resemble Neil, and yet the absence of the man gave him only one ‘ _reasonable_ ’ explanation... This _WAS_ Neil. Neil’s real form.

It was absolutely horrid. It’s body resembled something like a lizard, maybe a Komodo dragon, or maybe just even a straight up dragon. He couldn’t count how many limbs it had. Every time he blinked the beast seemed to have more than when he last looked and just when he thought the legs would cover every inch of the body, the Next blink, the legs were four, then he’d blink and there was six, then he’d blink and there was twenty. He couldn’t tell if it was an illusion or what, but he didn’t like it.

It was a sickly red colour with yellow tints at the end of each limb. It’s long snout was also tipped with yellow, and when it opened its mouth, Jon could see... Teeth? He wasn’t sure. They didn’t look like any teeth he’d ever seen. They were curled, they were straight, they were dull, they were sharp, they were thick, they were thin. They kept alternating, and as far as Jon could see, no one tooth was the same. 

It’s eyes were pitch black, not even any pupils at all, and there were large, beady things, staring at him and Martin. Strangely enough though, the eyes didn’t seem to have any intent behind them. 

On top it’s dragon-esque head, we’re two horns that protruded that were a very deep red colour. They horns were almost exactly that of a stereotypical Demon often depicted in cartoons. Not too long, not to short, Slightly curved inward and perfectly smooth. 

It’s back was mostly empty, likely to account for the case that there will be limbs there at some points, but it’s back slowly turned into a tail that was long and slithering. It too was tipped with yellow, and Jon had the unfortunate moment of realizing that the Tail was breathing on its own. 

He slowly looked to Martin as he continued taking in the beast, and it seemed Martin was doing the same. Their shared gaze was broken but a deep laughter that sounded form the beast, though it’s mouth didn’t open, followed by Bill letting out a loud sigh,

“ **H** ow **c** o **uld** I **res** is **t** , Bi **l** l? **R** e **al** ly, h **ow** co **ul** d **I**?” The beast seemed to say, without moving its mouth, though it was loud and clear, and vaguely sounded like Neil’s voice. Jon wasn’t quite ready to accept that this was Neil yet, though, so he steeled himself and looked straight at the beast,

“What did you do to Neil?” The Beast’s eyes seemed to go blank but it was hard to tell when it’s eyes were all black. Then, it let out a boisterous laugh and shuffled forward to get closer to Jon and Martin. Jon heard Martin take in a sharp inhale, and he quickly reached and grasped Martin’s hand, needing something, Someone, to ground himself to let him know that this was in fact real, because despite everything about the fears and the apocalypse, he was still having trouble wrapping his mind around... what ever this was,

“ **Yo** u k **no** w **f** u **l** l **we** ll t **ha** t I **a** m s **til** l N **eil** , **Jonathan Sims** ,” The beast said, this time opening its mouth to speak. It’s seemed The beast, Neil, could choose to speak with or without opening It- His- Mouth, “ **Do** y **o** u **li** k **e** i **t**? **Th** i **s** **fo** r **m**?” Neil asked, standing on his hind leg, hind leg _s, too many hind legs, too many legs,_ Jon was getting overwhelmed again and he closed his eyes in an attempt to shut out the ever changing limb amount out of his sight, “ **Oh** wai **t** , I **fo** r **g** ot **I** di **d** **t** ha **t**! **H** o **ld** o **n**!” Jon heard Neil mumble, followed by a strange whirring sound and then an extremely loud Crack, then... A sigh of relief and a loud cheer from Will, “ **I** go **t** **th** e l **eg** s **un** d **e** r **c** o **ntr** o **l** , **no** w, y **o** u c **an** l **ook** ,” he heard Neil’s voice call. He just clenched Martin’s hand even harder, causing Martin to squeeze it back in confirmation that it was in fact better to look at. When Jon did slowly open his eyes, he saw Will leaning against one of Neil’s now four legs. He blinked, and found that Neil still had four legs and he let out a huge breath of relief. Will gave another enthusiastic cheer, which was echoed by a significantly less enthusiastic cheer from the ground, courtesy of Bill. Neil chuckled quietly then turned to look at Jon, the large, pitch black eyes string right at him, “ **So** , **d** o **y** o **u lik** e th **is** **f** o **r** m?” Neil asked again, suddenly manifesting two human arms to shrug, only for them to disappear after the shrug was completed. Jon gulped and allowed himself even more time to take in Neil’s supposedly true form, 

“It’s... I-It’s... It sure is... Uh, It’s sure is, Uh.... S-Sure is S-Something...” Jon stammered. Neil nodded his head then, without warning, his form began to shift, which was accompanied by the horrid sounds that Jon had heard when his eyes were closed. Almost against his will, he closed his eyes, and whenever he opened them to see, everything was too blurry to actually see properly. All he could hear was the loud crunching, cracking, Squishing and snapping of... what Jon could only guess was Bones and Flesh forming to a new shape. When he was finally able to see again and the Blur showing faded, Neil, Human Neil, was once again standing in front of him and Martin,

“C-Can we, uh, G-Go now?” Will was the first to speak. Neil turned to him and nodded his head, then almost fell over hen he tried to take a step,

“Oh, wow, I was only myself for a few minutes and I’m already out of practice with my human body,” Jon just barely heard Neil comment as Will laughed at his plight, 

“I’m ready to go when you are, Will...” Will jumped up and down in celebration as Bill slowly propped himself up and then even more slowly, dragged himself off the ground and stood up, slightly swaying as he stood in place, “Well... Good bye, it was nice seeing some new faces...” Bill spoke as he turned away, Neil and Will following suit, “and please do fix this world...” and they were gone. They didn’t even disappear into the distance, they just... Vanished in front of him and Martin,

_ “What in the fuck...” _


End file.
